Shopping with friends

Mary: TRINITY! What about this shirt? 

Trinity: I’m not a stripper. 

Mary: (sad face and says softly) I like it. But ok. TRINITY! What about this shirt?

Trinity: I’m not a redneck. 

Mary: So are you saying I dress like a redneck stripper? 

Trinity: Isn’t that what friends are for? 

Mary: (look of bafflement) 


Kentucky State Line

Mary: (looks up from blogging to realize we’re at exit 2) We’re in Kentucky! Why didn’t you tell me?

Bobby: I was paying attention to the road.

Mary: And you didn’t see the Welcome to Kentucky sign?

Bobby: um….I was looking for the Louisville sign.

Mary: (eye roll) I should be driving apparently.

Hearing Aid

Rik: (on speaker phone while traveling through Tennessee) Bobby, can I call you when I need life advice? 

Bobby: ummm…call Mary and she can relay the question to me. 

Rik: You could have just told me, fuck no. 

Bobby: Okay then. Fuck no. 

Mary: That’s funny. Fuck no, don’t call me. 

Bobby: Did you say the sun is coming up? 

Mary: Get a damn hearing aid!

You need a pill

Bobby: Oh my god. Your pill is wearing off.

Mary: What?? I’m just hitting my stride!

Bobby: You need another pill. You need to be in the funny farm. You shouldn’t be allowed to drive.  Quit moving your arms and dancing while you drive.  You’re too close to me.  Oh my god.

Mary: (continues to dance and sing while driving to 80’s pop music)

Sing in the Choir

Mary: (singing Lean on Me)

Bobby: (convulsing his body) What the hell is coming out of you?

Mary: You don’t like my singing? I couldn’t sing in your choir?

Bobby: (with great conviction) NO! You shouldn’t even be doing that in the car.  You have the worse voice I’ve ever heard.

Mary: (sad face)

Turning 4000

Mary: If you (Bobby) hadn’t missed the I40 exit, we would have turned 4000 miles at the Kentucky state line.

Bobby: What the hell difference does it make?

Mary: It doesn’t. I just wanted to mentioned you missed the exit.

Bobby: If you hadn’t wanted to nap, I wouldn’t have missed it.

Mary: uh huh. It’s my fault you couldn’t hear the GPS telling you to take the exit. It’s my fault you couldn’t see the big signs on the expressway?

Bobby: Yes, that’s correct. Maybe if we go in reverse, we can get those five miles back.

Mary: Haven’t you seen Ferris Bueller? (eye roll….)

Mary Caradon

I always wanted to change my last name. I wish I had done in it high school. Mary Weldon. But now I think that sounds a little too English countryside formal. So I was thinking of making up my own last name by combining Weldon (moms maiden name) and Carabella (the name my dad made up in 1976). 

Mary Caradon (last part pronounced like den not don).  That sounds like I should be on Dynasty or something. 

Bobby thinks I’ve run out of things to talk about. 

Morning Yawn

Mary: (yawn…stretch…..)

Rik: (you hear loud footsteps running through the house) Are you ok????!!!!! What happened???!!!! (with a look of great peril and concern)

Mary: (hysterically and uncontrollably laughing)

Rik: Jesus! What the hell happened? (He says in an exasperated tone with a look of panic on his face)

Mary: I was just doing my morning yawn and stretch. (Still hysterically laughing) BOBBY!!!!  Tell him.  I’m laughing too hard.

Bobby: (Outside you can hear Bobby laughing hysterically too.) Rik, she just makes weird noises in the morning.  There isn’t an explanation for her or that sound.

I know I tend to yawn and stretch loudly but I guess those who know me well are used to the weird noises I make. It’s a cross between finding a dead body, George of the Jungle and my own singing mix.